Superman Approximated
[Ferret has dinner with The Fongs, Super-Hero, and Pigeon. The dinner is winding down, and there is a lull in the conversation.]
Ferret
So, I have an important question.
The Fongs
Okay.
Ferret
Do you think Superman will still be a superhero if…
The Fongs
If what?
Ferret
If he was retarded?
The Fongs
Yeah, sure.
Super–Hero
You mean, like really retarded? Or what?
Ferret
I mean, with all due respect, that sometimes he poops his pants.
The Fongs
But he still has all the same powers?
Ferret
Sure, except he can’t tie his shoes very well, and he has a strange affinity for soft things, you know… mentally deficient.
Pigeon
This is wrong.
Super-Hero
I don’t think he’d be a superhero.
The Fongs
Why not?
Super-Hero
I mean, can he still save people?
Ferret
Sure, but people have to tell him so that he can save them.
Super-Hero
If he needs people to tell him, then he’s not a superhero.
Ferret
But he doesn’t always need people to tell him. He’s trained – like a dog or something.
Super-Hero
I don’t know.
Ferret
I think he’d still be super, but all the other superheroes would make fun of him. It would make Superman a lot more interesting, other than that whole kryptonite thing. Superman saves the world from an asteroid, and learns to spell his name in the same story! Eh? Anyone with me?