scruta

I took you off the shelf and flipped through you quickly
I swear I saw something in the pages
Dark, deep and intriguing
A note? A secret? An error?
A confession?
I’ve been reading through you ever since
Looking for it

From all sides, from all heights, everyone throughout the world converges to catch a glimpse of you. On the pavement, through the cracks of buildings, they witness your golden glow. Others see you only briefly from their highrise conference rooms as you sink lower into pink. Others climb to the heights to behold even that final purple and blue of you as you fade slowly into the shining neon of the night.

Here I am, ever chasing you, ever trying to see you from every angle, ever staring even as your lingering radiance flashes in my eyes, threatening to blind me.

[Ferret arrives at the address on the card after working his way though a long residential lane. The apartment is on the 7th floor of a walk-up. He feels himself sweating in the heat and humidity of the late Shanghai summer. By all accounts, it’s just another apartment. The door is a nondescript gray-green metal slab with grating in the middle, allowing someone to open it and see who’s there. This small door opens and Ferret sees a Chinese man in his 50’s looking at him.]

Cai Xin
Yes?

Ferret
你是蔡鑫吗？
Are you Cai Xin?

Cai Xin
Yes, I am. Please speak in English. It’ll be faster that way.

[Cai Xin speaks American English without a trace of an accent. He opens the door for Ferret.]

Ferret
Hello.

Cai Xin
Hi. Come in.

[Ferret walks into the apartment. Cai Xin motions for him to take off his shoes. Ferret does so and puts on slippers that he provides. The living room is immaculate. All white walls give way to spotless floors of real ceramic tile with patterns in blue and white. It’s like walking on dinner plates. Ferret notices that every single one is different. There’s a black leather sofa with two identical floor lamps on each end. Adorning the top of each lamp is a giant red lantern for a lampshade. In front of the sofa is a table made of dozens of pieces of restored, antique rosewood. Behind the sofa is a classical Chinese calligraphic picture. Above it, there is a projector. It says 谈以可, or read from left to right 可以谈 － “One can speak”. Cai Xin motions to the sofa.]

Cai Xin
Please, have a seat.

Ferret
Okay.

[Ferret sits down. Cai Xin takes out a set of keys and puts them down on the table.]

Cai Xin
These are for you.

Ferret
I’m sorry?

Cai Xin
For returning the book.

Ferret
The book?

Cai Xin
The notebook. You don’t remember?

Ferret
I do. It was a while ago.

Cai Xin
Yes.

Ferret
You’ve been waiting this whole time?

Cai Xin
I’ve been living here waiting for you.

Ferret
Waiting for me?

Cai Xin
Yes.

Ferret
And now what?

Cai Xin
Now, I’m free to go.

Ferret
I don’t understand. I don’t need an apartment.

Cai Xin
I’m not here to rent you the apartment.

Ferret
What is this about?

Cai Xin
You are to become the new caretaker.

Ferret
Caretaker?

Cai Xin
Yes, you will be the one that watches the house.

Ferret
Well, what if I don’t want to take it?

Cai Xin
I advise you to take it.

[After giving his advice, Cai Xin looks at Ferret blankly, then allows a strange smile to creep up across his face.]

Ferret
Can I look at the rest of the place?

Cai Xin
Of course.

[Ferret gets up and walks through the living room to the kitchen. It’s small, but perfect, complete with marble counter tops and even a dishwasher, a luxury for Shanghai. Best of all, to the left of the kitchen there is a door which leads out directly to the rooftop. A deck has been laid down on it complete with patio furniture. Behind it is a stunning view of Xujiahui and Shanghai’s western skyline.]

Ferret
Quite a kitchen.

Cai Xin
It’s manageable. You don’t have any allergies, I hope.

Ferret
No.

Cai Xin
Good. Food will be delivered to you. Do you cook?

Ferret
Sometimes.

Cai Xin
Ah. I see. Well, then cooked food can be arranged.

Ferret
What? The house comes with food?

Cai Xin
All that you require is provided.

[Ferret walks out of the kitchen and Cai Xin follows. Ferret speaks as he walks into the bathroom full of bamboo, ceramic and glass. A skylight is embedded in the sloping ceiling above the shower. Natural afternoon light fills the room.]

Ferret
I don’t understand. This seems like a job.

Cai Xin
You could see it that way.

Ferret
But I don’t understand. I wasn’t even interviewed.

Cai Xin
Of course you were. You were given a task, and you completed it.

Ferret
What?

Cai Xin
There were others. But none of them made it this far.

Ferret
Other people got the call?

Cai Xin
And the package.

Ferret
And returned it?

Cai Xin
Only two of you returned it.

Ferret
What happened to the other one?

Cai Xin
I’m not sure what happened to her.

Ferret
Her?

Cai Xin
Yes. Is that strange?

Ferret
No. No, I guess not. I mean. I don’t know. What sort of qualifications do you need to be a caretaker?

Cai Xin
I don’t know. I’m just a caretaker.

Ferret
Just the caretaker?

Cai Xin
Yes. I was informed of the process for finding a replacement, but I know little else.

Ferret
Well, do you think you did a good job?

Cai Xin
Maybe. I can’t say.

[Ferret walks into the bedroom. It’s quite spacious. The low bed is also made of reclaimed wood. Expensive cotton sheets cover the bed. Wide floor to ceiling windows look out over the rooftops of the neighboring lane houses to the south. The other wall is dominated by a pair of sliding closet doors. There’s a large writing desk in the corner with a single desk lamp in it, an art deco antique. The walls are white. Nothing hangs on them.]

Ferret
It does look very nice.

Cai Xin
Yes.

Ferret
Who owns this place?

Cai Xin
I don’t know.

Ferret
You don’t know?

Cai Xin
I have my guesses.

Ferret
Well, do I have to keep to any schedule?

Cai Xin
You are allowed to come and go freely. I was recently more confined because I was waiting for a replacement.

Ferret
Well, I’m sorry to have kept you waiting.

Cai Xin
It’s quite alright. I knew that it might take a while.

Ferret
So, if I decide to become the caretaker, then will I have to find someone else if I want to stop being the caretaker?

Cai Xin
I don’t know.

Ferret
You’re just the caretaker, right?

Cai Xin
Exactly.

[The two laugh awkwardly.]

Cai Xin
I can guarantee one thing.

Ferret
What’s that?

Cai Xin
You will not be bored.

[Ferret looks at the afternoon sun setting through the floor to ceiling window in the bedroom. It enchants him.]

Cai Xin
There’s a folder with information about the house. Phone numbers. Maintenance schedules, etc. I’ll get it for you. You can read it as I pack up.

Ferret
Okay.

[Shanghai has just come out of one the gray, rainy abysses that often descend upon it. Now the sky is shining with a new resilience, bringing new light to its citizenry. Full of this radiance, many are prompted to do something out of the ordinary. Ferret sits outside a coffee shop and goes through his wallet. He finds the card that he’d been given so long ago.]

蔡鑫

Cai Xin

物流经理

Logistics Manager

淮海中路1285弄23号7层

Floor 7, Building 23, 1285 Huaihai Middle Road

[There is no other information on the card. It’s been a while, but Ferret figures he might as well try and get his reward. He could use the cash. Plus, it’s stopped raining and he’s optimistic, ready for an adventure. A quick search on google maps reveals that 1285 is near the Changshu Lu Metro Station. It looks like a long residential lane. The name on the card is rather strange.]

蔡鑫

Cài  Xīn

[It’s pronounced the same way as the word 菜心, a type of vegetable. Who would have such a name? Ferret decides it’s time to find out.]

Per the course for the newest round of Chinese Dream propaganda, a bunch of new posters have gone up near my office. One of them had a poem about geese on it attributed to 晓玲, who turns out to be a singer. She’s most famous for her (very over the top) song 《梦圆中国》which is the audio centerpiece for the Chinese Dream campaign. But enough about her, on to the geese!

My translation:

鹅鹅鹅。。。

童声飘过千年歌。

白羽红瓜诗情在，

月色荷塘云影波。

中华福万代，

人心载中和！

Goose, goose, goose, goose –

A child’s voice floats across in a song with thousands of years of history.

White feathers, red feet and the poetic spirit are present

Moonlight on lotus blossoms as the shadows of the clouds roll by

May the Chinese civilization flourish forever,

And peace for China be in the people’s hearts!

+++

The poem came complete with some nice folk art:

Geese represent the future of China, you know?

[Xiao Yan takes Ferret to the end of Shouning Lu where it meets Renmin Lu. He follows her across the street and into the old city. In the small back alleys, residents of the ancient decrepit houses are aware of Ferret’s presence. They stare at him, not maliciously, simply asking, “What are you doing here?” Xiao Yan turns into the alley leading into a cluster of darkened homes. She beckons Ferret silently, as if he were a dog.]

Ferret

这边啊?

This way?

Xiao Yan

嗯。

Yeah.

[They go through the damp and dust of a kitchen just barely sheltered from the elements and walk towards a room bathed in an eerie glow. As they walk inside, Ferret turns to see a man completely surrounded by TV screens and computer monitors projecting silently onto his attentive eyes. ]

Xiao Yan

王清!

Wang Qing!

[Wang Qing doesn’t hear her.]

Xiao Yan

王清！老外来还给你你的笔记本。

Wang Qing! A foreigner has come to return your notebook to you.

[Wang Qing suddenly turns his head and focuses on Xiao Yan and Ferret. His face looks wan and tired, full with its sunken eyes and poor skin, but still he grins fiendishly at them and points with frail limbs.]

Wang Qing

哦，请坐, um, please-a sit.

Oh, please sit. Um, please sit.

[Wang Qing points to the ramshackle collection of sheets which makes up his bed.]

Ferret

哦，好的。

Oh, okay.

Xiao Yan

我走了。王清，有空你来饭店帮忙啊。

I’m going. Wang Qing, if you’re free come help out at the restaurant.

Wang Qing

我并不去。

I’m not going.

Xiao Yan

你怎么那么懒？

Why are you so lazy?

Wang Qing

懒什么懒啊！我在挣钱！管你什么屁事！走！

Lazy?! I’m making money! What the hell do you have to do with it? Get out of here!

[Xiao Yan leaves angrily.]

Wang Qing

I- am very- very sorry. My English  is poor.

Ferret

那我们说中文吧。

Then let’s speak Chinese.

Wang Qing

You have… you have my book-a?

Ferret

Yes. I have it.

Wang Qing

I can see it?

[Ferret begins to feel very nervous, realizing that he is all alone in a strange place. Wang Qing doesn’t seem particularly threatening, but he has no idea what to expect or what’s in store.]

Ferret

Um. Yes.

[Ferret takes out the notebook and tries to offer it to him, but Wang Qing has become distracted. He’s looking at one of the TVs.]

Ferret

Umm.

Wang Qing

Oh, yes, I sink ziss is good one. You have be watching?

[He points to one of the TVs. It looks like a Chinese cop show. Someone is being interrogated. Ferret’s never seen it.]

Ferret

No.

[Wang Qing snatches the notebook out of Ferret’s hands and opens it up. He smiles.]

Ferret

Did you send this to me? Who is behind all of this?

Wang Qing

Yes.

Ferret

笔记本是你送给我的吗？

Did you send me the notebook?

Wang Qing

Oh, yes. I know. I know. No. I did not do it.

Ferret

Who did?

[Wang Qing starts watching another TV program for a moment, then puts the notebook down and grabs something from behind one of the TVs and hands it to Ferret. It’s a business card.]

Wang Qing

Here. You go here.

Ferret

What is this?

Wang Qing

Business card.

Ferret

I know, but why are you giving it to me?

Wang Qing

You go now.

[Wang Qing puts his hand on Ferret’s shoulder and begins guiding him towards the door.]

Ferret

What about my reward?

Wang Qing

Yes. You go.

Ferret

我的奖励呢？

What about my reward?

Wang Qing

Oh. Yes. He give you.

[Ferret is pissed, feeling that this has all been some elaborate hoax. Maybe someone is about to rob him. He doesn’t know. He wants to get out as quickly as possible.]

Ferret

Okay. Right.

Wang Qing

Bye bye!

[Wang Qing escorts Ferret out of his house. Ferret just wants to leave. He pockets the card without looking at it. He’s annoyed and bit worried. He walks back out through the alleys of the old city, keeping his wits about him and watching his back.]

[Ferret is standing in front of 20 Shouning Lu. It’s a restaurant that specializes in crayfish and barbecued seafood. In fact, every storefront on the entire road is specializes in this. He fingers the book nervously and checks the address one more time. Yeah, it’s right. He walks up to the man behind the barbecue hesitantly.  The man yells:]

Man Behind the Barbecue

小燕！两份烤扇贝！

Xiao Yan, two orders of grilled scallops!

[Ferret is taken aback, and fails to speak. A woman shoves into him carrying an empty metal plate, receives the grilled scallops – large white medallions smothered in minced garlic and noodles, then scurries away. Ferret works up his courage and approaches the man again.]

Ferret

你好！

Hello!

Man Behind the Barbecue

嗯，你好，你几位呀？

Yeah, hello, how many of you are there?

Ferret

你是王先生吗？

Are you Mr. Wang?

Man Behind the Barbecue

嗯，我姓王。

Yeah, my name is Wang. 

[Ferret pulls out the notebook.]

Ferret

我收到这个小笔记本，里面…

I got this small notebook, inside…

[The Man Behind the Barbecue smiles and cuts him off.]

Man Behind the Barbecue

哦，那个奖励，是吧？

Oh, the reward, right?

Ferret

对的。那个奖励，不过寄给我什么意思？

Yeah. The reward, but what are you doing sending to me?

[The Man Behind the Barbecue ignores him.]

Man Behind the Barbecue

小燕！

Xiao Yan!

[A middle-aged waitress comes out from the small seafood restaurant behind.]

Xiao Yan

å—¯?

Yeah?

Man Behind the Barbecue

老外就笔记本，来收奖励啦。

The foreigner has a notebook. He’s come to claim the reward.

Xiao Yan

是吗？我以为王清不会再寄笔记本出去了。

Really? I thought that Wang Qing said that he wasn’t sending out any more notebooks.

Man Behind the Barbecue

我怎么知道？我在干活，没空来管我笨蛋的弟弟。真是个阿斗。他要干什么都不关我的事。

How do I know? I’m making a living. I don’t have time to go manage my little brother. He really is an imbecile. He can do whatever he wants, it’s no concern of mine.

Xiao Yan

那我要不要带老外去看他？

Then should I take the foreigner to see him?

Man Behind the Barbecue

哎哟，你把他带过去。快回来，今晚客人好多。

Okay. Take him over. Hurry back. There are a lot of people here tonight.

Xiao Yan

嗯，好的。你觉得他听得懂吗?

Yeah, okay. Do you think that he understands us?

Man Behind the Barbecue

肯定不懂。

Definitely not.

Xiao Yan

那我告诉王清给他多少钱的奖励？

Then how much money do you think I should tell Wang Qing to give him?

Man Behind the Barbecue

王清不给钱。他没钱，他整天看电视放屁。

Wang Qing doesn’t give out money. He doesn’t have any money. He just farts around all day watching TV.

Xiao Yan

哦，我以为 —

Oh, I thought–

[The Man Behind the Barbecue begins motioning for Ferret and Xiao Yan to leave together.]

Man Behind the Barbecue

走！走！你们一起 — you! — 走！

Go! Go!  You together – you! – go!

Xiao Yan

好好好。

Okay, okay.

[Xiao Yan starts walking and Ferret follows her down the street full of crayfish shells.]

Now there are days when I see nothing at all. The city has grown familiar, and as a result, invisible.

These streets have too many stories. When I walk down them, I no longer see them. I walk through the past, oblivious to everything before me. I don’t see signs. I see the sets for heated conversations and philosophical rants to nothing nothing. I don’t see the wavering expressions of strangers. I see the eyes of acquaintances come and gone, peering at me across time. I don’t see the pleading of storefront displays. I see the shops that came and went before, and the anxious owner smoking cigarettes on the pavement outside.

There are no cracks in the pavement. There are only the scars of ineffable moments of joy, grief, panic, love. There are no young savages decamped to the park at midnight to bathe in reefer glow. There are only trees and the turning of seasons. There no old crones oggleing me from under swaddles of clothing in the morning sunlight. There is only the sunrise over half-finished buildings, now finished. All is invisible now.

I stumble about like a blind man, muttering to myself, unaware that others are in my presence. I am chanting, ranting, raving, praying.

Some part of me hopes it will restore my sight.

I don’t claim to know where it’s going,
the gleam of the towers, the rubble underfoot,
I’m a lowly traveler on this road, staring at the heights, just above the depths

But there are moments when the light shines,
when the past and the future dance together in two
I’ll walk down this road and think:
Yes, yes I do.

Nestled inside the concrete groves, where the defunct filaments of ancient telephone wires spindle downwards like vines, that’s where you’ll find it. Underneath the roaring overpasses, where feral cats prowl through the parks bathed in blue luminescence, that’s where you’ll find it. In underground basement cacophonies where restless youths throw their bodies akimbo, screaming silent in the din,  reeling for revelation in the flashing strobes, that’s where you’ll find it. Through the afternoon alleys where wizened old figures sit on bamboo chairs, tittering with a litany of times that came and went, slowly sucking the life out of tea leaves, that’s where you’ll find it. In the ring of a bicycle bell, in the idle honk of a taxi horn, in the ping of fried noodle vendors’ woks, in the snore of a bricklayer lying idle in the afternoon, in the whisper of the trees in the storm blown winds, in the mumbles of a child working on his homework in a dimly lit hardware store, in your own breathless sigh, in that never-ending hum, that’s where you’ll find it.