scruta

Chaffer

Cygnet

On the flip side,

There’s always a flip side.

+++

Don’t forget it,

But forget it when you need to.

[Ferret is on the bus on his way home from dinner with friends. The bus driver is crazed, catapulting the 20 ton piece of metal through the Central Huaihai Road’s busiest shopping district. At one traffic light, he pounces on the accelerator, lurching the bus forward into action, only to slam on the breaks as an equally crazed bus driver runs the red light. They nearly collide. Everyone on the bus mutters indictments under their breath. Ferret‘s life flashes before his eyes, and he finds it utterly disappointing, yet full of beautiful vistas and extraordinary sights, like a Hollywood film that one remembers for the cinematography and little else. The bus continues at its breakneck speed, and soon he is ready to get off at his stop. He walks to the bus door as the bus is slowing down. The driver slams on the breaks.]

Ferret

[As he grabs hold of something to keep himself from being launched:]

Oh, my God!

Chinese Man Getting Off the Bus

哦！你的发音这么好！

Oh! Your pronunciation is very good.

Ferret

真的吗？

Really?

Chinese Man Who Got Off the Bus

真的。你是哪国家的？美国？英国？

Really. Where are you from? America? England?

Ferret

美国。

America.

Chinese Man Who Got Off the Bus

啊！你的发音比英国BBC主持人的好多！

Oh! Your pronunciation is better than a BBC Newsbroadcaster’s!

Ferret

你觉得吗？

You think so?

Chinese Man Who Got Off the Bus

对呀！啊，你觉得你的发音怎么样？

Yeah! Hey, what you do you think your pronunciation is like?

Ferret

我觉得我的还可以的。这是那个第一次一个人告诉我我的发音那么好。

I think it’s okay. This is the first time anyone ever said that my pronunciation is that good.

Chinese Man Who Got Off the Bus

非常好!

It’s really good.

Ferret

你的普通话说得很好。

You speak Mandarin really well.

Chinese Man Who Got Off the Bus

当然，我是中国人。

Of course, I’m Chinese.

Ferret

可是你不是上海人吗？

But, aren’t you Shanghainese?

Chinese Man Who Got Off the Bus

是的。

Yes.

Ferret

所以普通话不是你的－

So Mandarin isn’t your –

Chinese Man Who Got Off the Bus

[rather dismissively, as they part ways and Ferret walks into a coffee shop on the side of the road

对对对。

Yes, yes, yes.

Ferret

Oh, okay. 再见。

Oh, okay. Goodbye.

Chinese Man Who Got Off the Bus

再见。

Goodbye.

[It’s a busy, busy bar. Loud drum and bass is thumping on the stereo. FERRET is talking with a lovely, young FOX.]

FERRET

So. What do you think about babies?

FOX

I like them. I’d love to have one. I just don’t want to go through the whole production process.

FERRET

Oh, I see.

FOX

What? I mean, it’s something growing inside of you. You wouldn’t want that, would you?

FERRET

No. No I guess not.

FOX

Why? What do you think?

FERRET

About babies or pregnant women?

FOX

Both.

FERRET

They’re okay. Babies are cool I suppose. Pregnant women make me feel a little awkward.

FOX

Exactly. Plus pregnant women have this strange cult about babies and giving birth. I don’t want to be part of that.

FERRET

But if you want one, you’re going to have to go through it.

FOX

Yeah, that’s true. But maybe when I’m ready to go through it I’ll have changed my mind about the whole thing.

FERRET

Probably. I’ve always had this urge to touch pregnant women. Like walk up to them and pat their stomach lightly, just to make sure it’s real.

FOX

Really? But you resist.

FERRET

Of course. I get urges to grab women all the time.

FOX

Oh.

FERRET

Yeah, I mean, I don’t.

FOX

Yeah. You just suppress those urges.

FERRET

Yeah. Unless I have been given access for the grab. Open grab zone.

FOX

Of course. You’re not one of those grabby guys.

FERRET

No. No, I’m not.

[There is a dead silence between them, apparent even beneath the thumping bass and the raging crowd. They sip on their drinks…]

I was on an overnight train back from HK, and I was having trouble sleeping. I often become very anxious when I travel. I attribute this to the fact that traveling always puts me in a state of limbo where I can see clearly where my life has been and where it is going. Before I know it, I have been going over things in my past for hours.

In an effort to try and break myself away from self-study, I decided to take a walk through the train. While I did so, I saw a framed poster of a poem of eight lines. Behind it was a picture of two doves flying over an idyllic vista of the Great Wall, surrounded by lush green trees radiating from a spongy pool of red at the bottom of the poster. Overall, the poster had the effect of one of those rather cheesy motivational posters you see in the offices of middle managers. I was only able to read about half of the poem, so I decided to copy it down and check it when I got back to Shanghai. Here’s what it said:

树立社会主义荣辱观

以热爱祖国为荣、以危害祖国为耻，

以服务人民为荣、以背离人民为耻，

以崇尚科学为荣、以愚昧无知为耻，

以辛勤劳动为荣、以好逸恶劳为耻，

以团结互助为荣、以损人利己为耻，

以诚实守信为荣、以见利忘义为耻，

以遵纪守法为荣、以违法乱纪为耻，

以艰苦奋斗为荣、以骄奢淫逸为耻。

After researching a bit online, it turns out that it is Hu Jin Tao’s famous declaration Eight Honors and Eight Shames. Here’s a translation:

A Look at the Contributions and Harms to the Formation of a Socialist [Society]

Love, do not harm the motherland.

Serve, don’t disserve the people.

Uphold science; don’t be ignorant and unenlightened.

Work hard; don’t be lazy and hate work.

Be united and help each other; don’t gain benefits at the expense of others.

Be honest and trustworthy, not profit-mongering at the expense of your values.

Be disciplined and law-abiding instead of chaotic and lawless.

Know plain living and hard struggle; do not wallow in luxuries and pleasures.

(NOTE: The translation isn’t mine, and isn’t the most literal translation I found, but it’s the best for meaning. It’s apparently from the China Youth Daily. I got it here. There are several other translations included as well.)

From what I’ve observed of life in Shanghai, I can understand the need to display this pronouncement on a Shanghai-bound train…

The lights of HK in the evening,

Flickering in all of their glory

Like a Christmas tree that

Fell into the South China Sea,

But somehow managed to

Continue to burn as the lights

And ornaments floated to the surface,

Which sprite-ly creatures used to adorn their homes

Rising towards the sky.

+++

I think of it fondly

As I would a nice dream,

A place that radiates in my memory

But whose reality I am loathe to declare.